Saturday, September 17, 2005

Rock All Night, Work All Day

Ulric the human is gone for the weekend! (He doesn't want me to refer to him by his real name anymore, so I'll use my landlady's name for him.) Ulric is attending his step-sister's wedding. Last night, Brutus, Fred, Filbert and I decided to have a much-needed celebration of our wild wooliness. My landlord refused to let me borrow the car, so we had to raid Ulric's stash of beer.















While we were celebrating, who should drop by but our old friends Sylvester and Wiley. It was almost like old times before Sylvester and Wiley went on to become stars in the television industry. I'm not bitter-- they did try their best to get me some gigs on their Saturday morning show, but the producers were rather stinky ahout hiring primates. The star of the show (no names here, but I'll give you a hint: his favorite food is carrots, and he likes to wear long blonde wigs) was a real prima-donna and said that no gorilla was going to upstage the program he'd worked so hard to bring to children all over the world. I know, it doesn't make sense, but that's show business for you. It probably has something to do with my eventual disgust for television. (Now, I just watch my old favorite shows on DVD.)


After awhile, we got so boistrous that Brutus ended up bringing the party to a close. Even though we were having so much fun, Brutus is one gorilla with whom you do not argue. Even Stewy Stinker quakes in his boots when Brutus shows up at the Green Dragon Inn. Brutus makes a little extra money as as bouncer, but he's been known to throw the owners out of their own pubs when he thought they were getting rowdier than their patrons. (Of course, Stewy Stinker always gets rowdier than his patrons, so you can imagine the resulting indignity. By the way, Stewy Stinker and I have made amends, though he still refuses to return my chili pepper apron. He says it looks better on him than it does on me. Hah!)






Today, I'm helping my landlord work on some of the overflow from Tony Dowler Consulting, Inc. (which my employees secretly call "Todoco.") My landlord said, "Never let me accept a job for an e-commerce website again... except for the next one I'm working on."

Here is my desk:
Tonight, we're all heading over to a birthday party for the landlord's daughter's best friend, Vitus.* There will be pizza and cake, but little does Vitus know that I'm bringing a special dish inspired by the Baked Alaska. It's called "Frozen Hawaii." I can't tell you the recipe (patent pending, after all), but if you're thinking of lava cake and ice-cream, you're on the right track.

*My landlady says that Vitus is named after the patron saint of oversleeping. He's three years old and more enthusiastic about getting up in the morning than any alarm clock you've ever met. At least he doesn't dance on his parents' heads anymore.

10 comments:

Tony said...

Brad! Am I to understand you are breaking company policy? You know perfectly well that the word "todoco" is verbotten around the office.

Ulric said...

Brad! If I come home to find that my room is a mess, I'm going to blame it all on you.

Brad the Gorilla said...

This weekend, I'm breaking all the rules. That doesn't mean anyone else is allowed. Ho ho ho. (Little Box, you're the exception-- everyone else has to mind his P's and Q's.)

LB said...

Brad, that party looks outta control. I hope you don't get into trouble. You have a busy weekend eh? I must say my curiousity is piqued by the "Frozen Hawaii". And I don't know what that prima donna "BB" is thinking, we all know "DD" was the real star of the show. Are you sure that wasn't you in the episode where Bugs is stranded on the desert island and is adopted by the female gorilla only to incur the wrath of her husband (played by you). That was some good acting!

Brad the Gorilla said...

CLB,
That was the part for which I auditioned. Can you believe that they decided to dress up two aardvarks as gorillas rather than hiring the real deal? I don't know how the aardvarks fit into the costumes so well, but they did do a good job. Not as well as I could have, of course, but such was the capricious whim of BB. You're right, DD was the real star of the show. Would you believe that DD was actually Scottish with a brogue thick enough to fell an ox? Such is the wonders of voice coaching...

Lady K said...

Brad, who does the booking at the Green Dragon? And, more importantly, do you HAVE any advice for a novice chef trying desperately to make salmon with lemon-dill sauce? My fiasco STILL has a bad taste in my mouth...

BTW, you are almost as adorable as CLB.

Brad the Gorilla said...

LH,
The proprietor of the Green Dragon does the booking (he's quite personable, but watch out, he likes to pinch the bottoms of the barmaids when he thinks no one is looking.)

As far as the salmon recipe goes, while I am not a fish-eater myself (though I've gone a bit lacto-veg ever since I discovered ice-cream), I know that the more simply good fish is prepared, the better. Do you know what went wrong with the salmon? I'd recommend skipping the cream sauce (if that's what you did) and sprinking the salmon with fresh lemon juice and fresh dill. Do you have access to The Joy of Cooking? As far as meat preparation goes, I understand that there is no cookbook that is its equal.

I know what you mean about bad tastes in your mouth. Years later, I can still taste the blackstrap molasses I experimented with putting into muffins. Some people like blackstrap molasses. I'd sooner eat termites.

Are you sure you don't want to skip the salmon and go for Brad's Green Goat Pizza instead? (The goat refers to the cheese, not the flesh of the animal.)

abcgirl said...

what does the green refer to?

Brad the Gorilla said...

Spinach. Or Cilantro pesto. Or basil pesto. Or whatever I feel like dumping green food-coloring onto and putting on a pizza. Just kidding. Gorillas don't like food coloring. We view it with suspicion and distaste, as anyone rightfully ought.

Lady K said...

Brad, thanks so much for the tip! I'm interested in the green goat pizza, for sure.

As far as what went wrong with the salmon, I think I just cooked it way too long and it got dried out. The sauce called for dijon mustard and although I followed the recipe to the letter, it still turned out too "mustardy." Ugh. I like your idea more about the fresh dill & fresh lemon juice. I will definitely figure something out. It was cheap salmon, anyway. Next time I'm going for the good stuff...Now! For that pizza recipe...