Friday, September 23, 2005

The Meme Rats' Outrage

Automated spellcheckers should come with a disclaimer: a robot program is no substitute for a dictionary, Philip the Pun (fiercer and scarier with a blue pencil than Atilla the Hun could ever hope to aspire), or best of all, a Latin-speaking gorilla. Spellcheck is a harmless drudge of a servant but a wretched master. If nothing else, it ruins perfectly good poetry. For example, Lewis Carroll's paen to the English language, "Jabberwocky", becomes hopelessly garbled through the travesty that is Spellcheck. Read on. Prepare to be shocked. You may wish to keep your smelling-salts nearby.


'Taws billing, and the smithy toes
Did gyre and gamble in the wage.
All messy were the brogues,
And the meme rats' outrage.

'Beware the Jabberwock my son,
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch.
Beware the jujube bird, and shun
The furious bandersnatch.'

He took his viral sword in hand;
Long time the Manxwomen foe he sought.
Then rested he by the tom-tom tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And as in huffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffing through the bulgy wood,
And burbled as it came!

One! Two! One! Two! And through and through
The viral blade went snicker snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

'And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjious day! Saloon! Calais!'
He chortled in his joy.

'Taws billing, and the smithy toes
Did gyre and gamble in the wage.
All messy were the brogues,
And the meme rats' outrage.


LB said...

Brad, If your aren't the most well rounded gorilla I have ever seen. You cook, you speak latin, you can quote Lewis Carroll. I'm sure if you still inhabited the jungle you would rule the tribe? Family? Pride? I'm not sure. I certainly don't wish to offend. Oh the travesty!

Brad the Gorilla said...

Hi, CLB,
Nice graphic! Did you draw it? The collective noun for gorillas is (drumroll please) a band. As in, "A band of gorillas just stole the flan, and now we have no dessert." Thank you for the vote of confidence in my talents. As I think I've mentioned before, I've always been the naughty gorilla in my immediate and extended family. My older brother Shad is the one who always receives the accolades. He's doing the important work of fighting ozone depletion in the Antarctic. By comparison, my culinary inventions are small potatoes.

What I mean to say is, "Of course I'd rule the jungle!" I'd also run those poachers right into the ocean, I would.

Anonymous said...

This is what happens when monkeys or their brethren are allowed to type Shakespeare.


Phil said...

Actually, I rather like this version, though it only works in comparison to the original (which is better). I laughed out loud at "Saloon! Calais!"