Monday, December 15, 2008

I first show up on the scene in 1988...

You can find the documentation of my first appearance here. I showed up in 1988. I don't know about this rubbish regarding "Fred's father." I am nobody's father! Fred the gorilla was my ward until he became of age. I was entrusted with his inheritance. However, I embezzled the funds and lost the whole kit-and-caboodle in one fateful game of Billabong. I tried to win it all back in a game of Guts, but ended up in the pokey for 6 weeks instead.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

The Gorilla in the Room

How many times have I written that I'm not blogging anymore? Twice, I'm sure. Maybe three times. The old gang is mostly gone. Bradley Enterprises has lost millions. I think I'm glad that Barack Obama is our new president-elect*, but I don't know what his position is on the whole Save the Gorillas movement. I tried to ask him at a press conference, but despite my exuberant arm-waving and boisterous shouting, he never answered my question. At least someone else noticed. Monte Canfield of Ohio wrote about this particular piece of pathos in his article, The 800 lb Gorilla in the Room that Obama Can't Admit:

I am not faulting Obama for ignoring this gorilla in the room until after the election. In fact, I have no idea whether or not he even sees the gorilla.

Just to clarify a point, I'm only 424 lbs, actually, as I recently lost 10 lbs just from shedding fur. But I take his point. I don't think Obama saw me.

Can you see the gorilla in the room?

In other news, I recently modeled for Anthony Browne's new book, Little Beauty.

*I don't get to vote. This country does not allow gorillas the franchise. That means that I don't pay taxes either. No taxation without representation!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Today is My Birthday

It's true. Don't ask me how old I am. I've lost count of the years.

By the way, I am now on Facebook as "Brad G. Rilla."

Friday, August 08, 2008

Gorillas in the Congo!

Good news in the world of gorillas! My long-lost cousins in the northern part of the Congo have been found, bringing the total world population of gorillas to 125,000. This is double the number of gorillas originally thought to exist. Let's hope that human beings (gorillas' worst predators) can help protect my cousins from bush-meat hunters and poachers. I do not have enough rude words in my vocabulary to express my feelings about bush-meat hunters and poachers. Here's to keeping the ebola virus away from everyone, too.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Facebook Fan Page

I have a Fan-page on Facebook! Check it out: Fans of Brad the Gorilla. The irony is that Facebook has denied me my own account. Note, friends, that this is the correct use of the word "irony" in terms of situational irony, i.e. the disparity of intention and result. However, some might argue that it is completely to be expected that I not be able to obtain a Facebook account, ergo it is not irony but simply a matter of inconvenience for me. However, those critics are philistines. Philistines, I say!

Thanks to Amish Guitar for starting my fan club.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Yes, We Have No Bananas?

Upsetting banana news:

Why Bananas are a Parable for Our Times, by Johann Hari

Below the headlines about rocketing food prices and rocking governments, there lays a largely unnoticed fact: Bananas are dying. The foodstuff, more heavily consumed even than rice or potatoes, has its own form of cancer. It is a fungus called Panama Disease, and it turns bananas brick-red and inedible.

There is no cure. They all die as it spreads, and it spreads quickly. Soon -- in five, 10 or 30 years -- the yellow creamy fruit as we know it will not exist. The story of how the banana rose and fell can be seen a strange parable about the corporations that increasingly dominate the world -- and where they are leading us.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Gorilla Foot Spa

My Landlady didn't know what to give Ulric for his birthday tomorrow, so I suggested a gift certificate to my new foot spa: