Your questions continue to pour in via email and blog posts. Here is the second installment of Frequently Asked Questions, otherwise known as the Brad FAQ:
11) What are the names of your siblings and where do they live?
Answer: Shadrach (brother, older)—McMurdo Station, Ross Island (Antarctica)
Calliope and Marisol (twin sisters, younger)—Barcelona, Spain
Chadwick (brother, younger)—Virginia Beach, Virginia (United States)
12) Why is it that you never talk about your parents?
Answer: Because they’re my parents. Give me a break, will you!
13) How do you make “Green Goat” pizza?
Answer: Preheat your pizza stone in a 450 degree Fahrenheit oven. Take some pizza crust dough (I prefer whole wheat) and stretch it out into a circle. When your pizza stone is sufficiently heated, sprinkle corn meal on it. Place the raw dough on top of the corn-meal sprinkled stone. Quickly “paint” the dough with olive oil. Puree a bunch of spinach with a bunch of goat cheese, and put it on top of the dough. (You might want to prepare the spinach and goat-cheese mixture before you put the dough on the stone, as you should do everything quickly.) Sprinkle mozzarella cheese on top of the spinach and goat-cheese mixture, and then sprinkle pine-nuts on top of the mozzarella. Proportions are up to you. Bake in the oven between 9-12 minutes. When the pizza is done (Does it smell done? Then it’s probably done.), take a wooden spatula and remove the pizza from the stone. If you sprinkled cornmeal on the stone instead of skipping the step, the pizza should slide off with only a little bit of spatula-jiggling. If you skipped that step, you have a lot of cleaning up to do.
Brad’s secret to the success of making pizza: if you don’t know how to make pizza dough, buy it in a little baggie in the cold-food section of some. Around here, you can buy the dough at Trader Joe’s for $1.20 USD. If you like to make the dough yourself, by all means, knock yourself out. If the only thing that’s keeping you from making pizza is your lack of confidence in making the dough, it’s okay to let someone else make it for you. This is not Chicken Cordon Bleu. It’s just pizza. If you want Chicken Cordon Bleu, you’ll have to consult with Philip the Pun. I don’t cook the flesh of animals.
14) You are such an adorable gorilla! Are you sure that you don’t want to go on dates with anyone?
15) What do you think of the theory of quantum mechanics and its applications to our society today?
Answer: I think that the theory of quantum mechanics is filled with possibilities.
16) Will you sketch my portrait?
Answer: Yes, for a fee of $200 USD (sliding scale upward based on how filthy rich you are.) I am a busy gorilla, and I need to work to pay for art school.
17) When are you going to run for mayor?
Answer: I am running for mayor right now. If you are a Seattle resident, please write in “Bradley the Gorilla” in the spot left blank for your convenience. If you’re not a Seattle resident, try it anyway. Most people could benefit from the Banana Tax Repeal.
18) Are you going to be in the Peter Jackson remake of “King Kong?”
Answer: I’m not at liberty to discuss any dealings with Peter Jackson.
19) What is the Latin translation for “I told you so?”
20) Where can I view film clips of Big Tim the Sock Monkey?
Answer: Right here.