Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Brad FAQ, Part II

Your questions continue to pour in via email and blog posts. Here is the second installment of Frequently Asked Questions, otherwise known as the Brad FAQ:


11) What are the names of your siblings and where do they live?
Answer: Shadrach (brother, older)—McMurdo Station, Ross Island (Antarctica)
Calliope and Marisol (twin sisters, younger)—Barcelona, Spain
Chadwick (brother, younger)—Virginia Beach, Virginia (United States)

12) Why is it that you never talk about your parents?
Answer: Because they’re my parents. Give me a break, will you!

13) How do you make “Green Goat” pizza?
Answer: Preheat your pizza stone in a 450 degree Fahrenheit oven. Take some pizza crust dough (I prefer whole wheat) and stretch it out into a circle. When your pizza stone is sufficiently heated, sprinkle corn meal on it. Place the raw dough on top of the corn-meal sprinkled stone. Quickly “paint” the dough with olive oil. Puree a bunch of spinach with a bunch of goat cheese, and put it on top of the dough. (You might want to prepare the spinach and goat-cheese mixture before you put the dough on the stone, as you should do everything quickly.) Sprinkle mozzarella cheese on top of the spinach and goat-cheese mixture, and then sprinkle pine-nuts on top of the mozzarella. Proportions are up to you. Bake in the oven between 9-12 minutes. When the pizza is done (Does it smell done? Then it’s probably done.), take a wooden spatula and remove the pizza from the stone. If you sprinkled cornmeal on the stone instead of skipping the step, the pizza should slide off with only a little bit of spatula-jiggling. If you skipped that step, you have a lot of cleaning up to do.


Brad’s secret to the success of making pizza: if you don’t know how to make pizza dough, buy it in a little baggie in the cold-food section of some. Around here, you can buy the dough at Trader Joe’s for $1.20 USD. If you like to make the dough yourself, by all means, knock yourself out. If the only thing that’s keeping you from making pizza is your lack of confidence in making the dough, it’s okay to let someone else make it for you. This is not Chicken Cordon Bleu. It’s just pizza. If you want Chicken Cordon Bleu, you’ll have to consult with Philip the Pun. I don’t cook the flesh of animals.

14) You are such an adorable gorilla! Are you sure that you don’t want to go on dates with anyone?
Answer: Yes.

15) What do you think of the
theory of quantum mechanics and its applications to our society today?
Answer: I think that the theory of quantum mechanics is filled with possibilities.

16) Will you sketch my portrait?
Answer: Yes, for a fee of $200 USD (sliding scale upward based on how filthy rich you are.) I am a busy gorilla, and I need to work to pay for art school.

17) When are you going to
run for mayor?
Answer: I am running for mayor right now. If you are a Seattle resident, please write in “Bradley the Gorilla” in the spot left blank for your convenience. If you’re not a Seattle resident, try it anyway. Most people could benefit from the Banana Tax Repeal.

18) Are you going to be in the Peter Jackson remake of “King Kong?”
Answer: I’m not at liberty to discuss any dealings with Peter Jackson.

19) What is the Latin translation for “I told you so?”
Answer:
Q.E.D.

20) Where can I view film clips of Big Tim the Sock Monkey?
Answer:
Right here.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I detect a note of disgust in your post today. Your answer to #14 wad pretty cut and dry. Ouch! If you weren't so darn cute people wouldn't want to know about you. Your a true Renaissance gorilla I'll give you that ;)

HitManJ said...

I need a good pizza dough recipe.

More than that, I need a pizza stone and wooden paddle. I know nothing about buying this type of cookware and only have a Wal-Mart within an hour of my house :( Any good online stores/brands?

J

Alkelda the Gleeful said...

Anon,
I agree with you that Brad's answer to question #14 was cut and dried. His note of disgust has more to do with me than anyone, I think. I used to try to set him up on dates, and he got quite peeved with me. Even though Brad is forty-something, he still has the mentality of a six-year-old when it comes to romance and courtship.

Brad the Gorilla said...

Hitman J,
You don't need anything fancy, but your pizza stone should have handles, or you will end up burning the fur off of your forearms. A preliminary look at Amazon.com reveals some promising pizza stones between $15-25 USD. As far as paddles, go, I just use wooden spatulas.

Anon,
I grew up with aunties threatening to give me wet, sloppy kisses if I didn't do what they told me to do. My sisters badgered me to date their friends, and my parents said that someday I'd change my mind. Well, I'm forty-something, and I still don't want to date anyone. As I've said before, presents from admirers are one thing, but having to go out on dates with the admirers is something totally out of my arena of interest. If I sound terse and disgusted, it's because I am disgusted. Just because the world needs more gorillas doesn't mean I have to be the one to help propigate the species. Ulric seems to be the only one who understands. While I resent Alkelda's aspersions cast upon my maturity (I'm quite mature for my age, thank you), she's right that I'm sick and tired of her trying to set me up on dates with other gorillas. She's even introduced me to a gibbon. Yikes! I like gibbons well enough, I just don’t want to go to the movies with them.

My head hurts. I need a banana daiquiri. Does anyone have a banana daiquiri?