Tuesday, August 23, 2005

The Mushy Oatmeal of Life

I woke up early this morning because Brutus was snoring. I decided to go upstairs and sleep in my landlord’s room. Soon after, I got kicked out of my landlord’s room. He said I was snoring. What rubbish.

Then Ulric made oatmeal for breakfast. I like steel-cut oatmeal, but not the mushy kind. Ulric made the mushy kind. Ulric has been making mushy oatmeal for breakfast and lunch for the past week, and I’m getting sick of it. The deal is that he makes breakfast and lunch, and I make dinner. I serve him gourmet dinners and I get mushy oatmeal in return. I sent Ulric out with a shopping list. When he came back, he claimed the store didn’t have any ugli fruit. How am I going to make broiled ugli fruit with cranberry-orange sauce without the ugli fruit? I am a chef, and I need proper ingredients.

I was going to go out shopping myself, but my landlord refused to let me borrow his car again. The scrapes on the car from last time weren’t my fault. (Not much, anyway. Why does everybody make such a big deal about my driving?)

Things seemed to look up when I went to the beach with my landlord’s family. I didn’t go into the water (I don't even like baths!) but I still got sand in my fur. Then I wanted my landlord’s daughter to give me a head-scratch to remove the sand. She wouldn’t do it. Doesn’t she know about grooming? Grooming is an important part of a biped’s nature. My landlady finally showed a spark of compassion by brushing the sand out of my fur. Sometimes she can be kind when she’s not grousing about all of the dishes I use while cooking in her kitchen.

I sent the proprietor of the Green Dragon Inn a dish of chocolate mousse with banana puree and grated coconut, just to show I had no hard feelings about the job, but I haven’t heard back from him. Rumor has it that he’s taken over the cooking and has been wearing my chili-pepper apron. My landlady let me borrow one of her aprons until I can get another one.

There is a bright spot in all of the gloom: Deadbeat Crawdads has landed a last-minute gig at Bumbershoot 2005. The reason we got the gig was because both Devo and Ani DiFranco had to cancel their festival appearances. I hope The Donnas don’t cancel as well. Where would rock and roll be today without the rowdy music of The Donnas?

Just so you know, here are some things I like:

1) Notes of appreciation
2) Epistles of admiration
3) Fan letters
4) Positive comments

I especially like lots of them.


Orkboi said...

Dear Brad,

You are the greatest! Well, actually you're pretty good. It's a good thing your fur isn't striped. Stripes don't go with stripes!

LB said...

Brad, thanks for the link. I knew you were a gorilla of your word. No worries. Now I guess I should talk about my "rose gardening" site or possibly Cialis. Those Anonymous spammers are all over the place.