Thursday, August 11, 2005

Brad FAQ

1) Q: Who maintains the Brad the Gorilla blog?
A: Brad the Gorilla.

2) Q: No seriously, who maintains the Brad the Gorilla blog?
A: See answer to question #1.

3) Q: When is Brad’s birthday and how old is he?
A: August 14th. (Brad says, "My age is none of your business.")

4) Q: What kinds of birthday presents appeal to Brad?
A: Good
chocolate, “Havana Banana” cigars, light-up spark toys, funny hats, gag-gifts.

5) Q: What is Brad the Gorilla’s full name?
A: Bradley the Gorilla.

6) Q: Where did Brad go to school, and what did he study?
A: For some reason, most of the institutions in question do not wish to have a formal affiliation with Brad. He attended a small college in the Midwest and a prestigious cooking school in the south of France. Currently, he is attending the Cornish Arts School in Seattle,WA, where he is a first year student. Brad was a Latin major in his undergraduate program, and specialized in Euro-Asian cuisine at his cooking school.

7) Q: Does Brad really know Latin, or does he just take Latin phrases from fun Latin sites?
A: Brad says, “Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo.”*

8) Q: Is Brad an eligible bachelor?
A: Only in the sense that Brad has never married and plans to keep things that way. While Brad appreciates the admiration of the females who frequent his blog, he wishes them to know that he is in no way interested in dating anyone. However, he doesn’t mind the presents his admirers send to him.

9) Q: Who handles Brad’s fan letters?
A: Brad answers all of his e-mail fan letters personally. He has been known to charge $10.00 USD for an autograph, but he has pointed out that $10.00 USD is a bargain compared to the preposterous rates
Galetea and ABCGirl charge for their autographs, especially since Brad signs his name with a pen held between his toes.

10) Q: What is Brad's position on the theory that human beings are primates?
A: Brad is currently working on a monograph refuting such a vulgar and preposterous notion. Brad says, "Neither the evolutionists nor the creationists have it right. Just because they're confused over the
differences between humans and apes doesn't mean that the apes have to stand for it. We do wish you would stop pestering the Mountain and Lowland gorillas. How would you like it if one day you became an endangered species?"

*Translation: "Oh! Was I speaking Latin again? Silly me. Sometimes it just sort of slips out."


Melangell said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Really! (Seriously, how does one laugh genuinely and lightheartedly on-line? There must be a way.)

Andrew said...

Melangell - In my tribe we do it thus: lkasjhfkksljfhskfjsd