Monday, August 15, 2005

Green Dragon Inn alt-menu

I have been looking for a new job lately. I'm tired of simply running my own business in the basement of my landlord's house. My landlord has his office in the basement as well, and he plays Philip Glass, Stereolab, and Future Bible Heroes ALL DAY LONG. I have to strum my electric guitar extra-loud just to cope.

I'll still keep my own business, of course, as I am the CEO, but I've been sending out my resumes to other places. In particular, I am hoping to become the chef of a tavern or alehouse with a small but devoted following. Recently, I sent my resume to The Green Dragon Inn. The current menu is pretty limited: Coffee, Ale, Rum or Whiskey; Hearty Stew with Dumplings, and the proprietor refuses to divulge what is in the stew (besides dumplings, of course). Even though I am a vegetarian, I risked a taste of the stew when the proprietor wasn't looking. It was awful! There is something in the stew that Should Not Be (eggplant perhaps?) I sampled the whiskey (also when the proprietor wasn't looking-- even though one of the rules is "no patting the wenches," he certainly likes ogling them a fair bit), and it was pretty good.

I have some suggestions for revitalizing the menu of The Green Dragon Inn. There are three categories of food: Hearty, Dietary, and Shi-shi.

Deep-fried bananas; cottage cheese with pineapple; curried mango canape

Groundnut stew; cold cucumber soup; gaspacho.

Main dishes:
Mujadara; hummous on rice cakes; paella

Salad: Brad's House speciality (secret recipe; we won't be discussing the ingredients here)

Dessert: bananas foster; 1/2 banana on a ring of pineapple; bananas foster cheesecake (secret recipe)

Listing all these foods is making me hungry. Ulric has been in charge of the meals as of late, and I've had nothing but oatmeal, peanut-butter sandwiches, and room temperature soup-from-a-can. Of course, I just found out that my landlord took Ulric out to dinner to St. Cloud's last night and didn't take me because he didn't want to get my fur dirty! I am most put out. I would throw a fit, but I want to appear to be a responsible chef for my potential new employer, whomever he or she may be.

I'll just throw a few dishes instead.


Andrew said...

Brad the Gorilla, you're hired. You're clearly a primate with a keen understanding of the cause of liberty and the importance of a defiant people. Also that banana dessert is nothing short of filthy.

You're free to start work immediately subsequent to swearing to honor the secret of the stew.

Welcome aboard. I shall draft an announcement at my first convinience.

Brad the Gorilla said...

Excellent! I would never tell the secret of the stew, mainly because I wouldn't want the worthy patrons of the Green Dragon Inn to faint into their beers. (Into their first beers, at any rate.) I will, however, rename it "Farrington's Suspicious-Looking Stew" and recommend to the locals that they try the aloo gobi special instead.