Thursday, December 01, 2005

Republic of Cascadia

I am throwing off the yoke of oppression. Not only did I not win the mayoral race of Seattle, the government officials threw out my ballot! They said I'm not eligible to vote in the United States. What nerve. I've been voting for years, and no one's made too much of a fuss before.

Fine. The United States government won't allow me to vote, so I shall embrace a country that will recognize my rights as a free-thinking, political ape. I am now a proud citizen of the Republic of Cascadia. My Landlady claims to be a Cascadian fan (you'll see it in her profile), but never mind her Anglophilic pretentions and claims to be a citizen of the world-- she is a United Statesian at heart. You can take the real New York bagels away from the Landlady, but you cannot take the Landlady away from... oh, I guess the Landlord did that too. Never mind. To make up for it, he brings her coffee in the mornings.

In any case...


Here is the anthem of Cascadia, written by Dan LeRoque (link has an mp3 file of the song):

Cascadia, Cascadia, of ever-present rain
Cascadia, Cascadia, the drugs help ease the pain.

We come here from Newfoundland, Quebec and Ontario
And call our folks in winter-time, to laugh cuz they've got snow.

Sang de revolte je prends partant mon grandpapa et pere
On viens ici pour faire squeegee et prendre le welfare

Cascadia, Cascadia, Oh faultline under me
You wouldn't want to be here when we fall into the sea.

Brad's Notes:

ever-present rain: Often a heavy mist, rarely an out-and-out deluge.

drugs help ease the pain: Lots of Cascadians are on anti-depressants. It's not that the PNW itself is depressing, but that the lack of direct sunlight in the winter months can have negative effects. Human beings need 20 minutes a day of direct sunlight (no sunscreen) in order to get the Vitamin D they need. Gorillas in the diaspora generally don't need to take anti-depressants, but during the winter, we do tend to write soppy ballads about how no one understands us. It's embarrassing! I usually burn all the evidence once spring rolls around.

laugh cuz they've got snow: Today, Seattle got snow. It was quite the event. Despite the fact that most of it has melted away, we're all still talking about it with much amazement.

Sang de revolte etc.: Of course there's French in our anthem. We're so cultured around these parts. There is no evidence whatsoever of an inferiority complex to New Yorkers. Or anyone else (especially those cities with great sports teams). Do you think I jest? Perish the thought.

You wouldn't want to be here when we fall into the sea.: So, what's the point? As Sufjan Stevens sings, "All things go." (I'm afraid that's what's going to happen to the gorillas too, and it makes me sad.) At the same time, I really wish we Cascadians would get it together so that we're earthquake prepared. I don't want to be anywhere near the Alaska Way Viaduct or the 520 Bridge when the Big One hits. Despite my surly exterior (and interior, for I am tough meat through and through), I wouldn't want anyone else to be there either.

I don't want to end on a dismal note, so I shall leave you with the inspiring verses of the Geoduck Fight Song.


Ulric said...

Hmmm...that looks like an American flag in the background of your profile photo. However, I could be wrong.

Phil said...

Why is the capital of Cascadia way up in the middle of nowhere? Is there a city there? Is there even a road there? Silly people, they should use Vancouver, a perfectly serviceable and quite lovely city.

Brad the Gorilla said...

That is an American flag behind me. What of it?

The capital of Cote d'Ivoire is not Abidjan, which would make SENSE, but Yamoussoukro, which was Houphoet Boigney's hometown. There are four-lane highways that go out into nowhere. The largest (or second largest) Basilica is built there. It is a marvel. It is mostly unvisited.

The point is, when it comes to capitals of cities, people often follow their emotions over their common senses. Someone in a position of power just loved that little spot in the middle of nowhere, and decided to make it the capital.

Alkelda the Gleeful said...

Here is the Wikipedia link to the Our Lady of Peace Basilica Brad mentioned. According to the article: Pope John Paul II insisted as a condition of his attendance of the consecration that a hospital be constructed nearby. The Pope laid the founding stone for the hospital. The stone can be seen where he laid it as a lonely symbol in the middle of a nearby field, as the hospital has yet to be built.

The sad thing (among other things) was that I don't think this wasn't built for the glory of God, or the glory of Africa, or even for the glory of Cote d'Ivoire. It was made specifically for the glory of Houphouet-Boigney.

The place is so empty that you can get a taxi to take you to the site, but you could easily be stranded there if you've not arranged for transportation back.

Yes, it is a beautiful building. There's no denying that. If it were an easily accessible tourist attraction, though, it would have done good things for the economy.

Yorkshire Pudding said...

I don't think there is much chance of Cascadia being overrun by illegal immigrants and asylum seekers and I personally wouldn't wish to go there on holiday Sounds like a grim place indeed. By the way Mr Gorilla, what the hell is "SCAPA"? And do Cascadians feed upon it?

Brad the Gorilla said...

Mr. Pudding,
You're mocking my country of adoption! If I weren't such a rough, tough sort, I'd be so hurt I'd start throwing sandwiches.

Mmmmm... sandwiches. By the way, have you noted my new profile photo? It was taken in a bar in Brixton shortly before I was thrown out for fighting about cheese and pickle sandwiches.

Scapa is a Scotch whiskey.

Nonny said...

Thanks for caring about your readers Brad. If your Cascadian now, then so am I!

Brad the Gorilla said...

Huzzah for Nonny!

Yorkshire Pudding said...

They told you Scapa was Scotch whisky (no e - only put an e in Irish whiskey) in fact it was probably deer piss - very popular with sheep farmers and fishermen who eke out a living by Scapa Flow in the Orkney Islands.... Afterwards the barman would have laughed with his chums - Ho Ho Ho -that's another Yank we nobbled!

Brad the Gorilla said...

Mr. Pudding,
No Scots would ever call me a Yank. They would say, "That's another Ape we nobbled."

And then I would have thrown them across the room. They would have muttered many apologies for having suggested such a preposterous notion, then all would have bought me a round of their favorite whisky (or whiskey, or bourbon, depending upon what was on their top shelf), then sang, "For he's a jolly gorilla" in rousing harmony.

Of course, that's exactly what happened the last time I was in Perth.

Yorkshire Pudding said...

Have you got permission from Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II to display a British flag in the background of your baboon profile picture? You are committing treason and as a Cascadian alien you therefore risk beheading if ever we allow you back into these islands to drink more "Scapa" - Baaaa! Baaaaa! Tee hee!