Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Shocking News about Black Highlighters

Here's a ground-breaking story from that illustrious news source, The Onion:

CIA Realizes It's Been Using Black Highlighters All These Years

Also unclear is why black highlighters were chosen in the first place. Some blame it on the closed, elite culture of the CIA itself. A former CIA officer speaking on the condition of anonymity said highlighting documents with black pens was a common and universal practice.

"It seemed counterintuitive, but the higher-ups didn't know what they were doing," the ex-officer said. "I was once ordered to feed documents into a copying machine in order to make backups of some very important top-secret records, but it turned out to be some sort of device that cut the paper to shreds."


That explains a lot. I suspect the FBI has made similar mistakes. I once ordered a copy of my FBI file, and received a folder full of pages with sentences blacked out. I have scanned a copy of the cover page. Perhaps you can figure out the complete content of the document. I am stumped.

10 comments:

rawbean said...

Is your birthday really August 14? It's one day after mine!

What does this mean? Oh nothing...

Brad the Gorilla said...

It means we'll have to have to share a birthday party. Share?! Hmmmm.... you do like banana upside-down cake, don't you?

Yorkshire Pudding said...

Country of birth - ZAIRE
Mixing up lady gorillas with boy gorillas - Ooops!
Setting off fire crackers while eating a lady gorilla.
Cooking a mixture of jungle animal body fluids while under the influence of banana flavoured semen.
Mr Gorilla is deleted for society
....incredibly furry and gay....
...on this day: Gay Gorilla Rembembrance Day....

Brad the Gorilla said...

Mr. Pudding--

No sexy talk! Yuck, yuck, yuck. Not funny. Just so you know, "gay" means "merry" and has no other connotation on this blog. You are hereby sent to the "Thinking Chair" where you will write, "Brad the Gorilla is my hero, Hitman J is one grand swashbuckler, Nonny is a non-pareil, Lady Hearteater is a genius, and Friday is the grande dame of social studies" 500 times. You have 30 seconds to do it. Go!

Yorkshire Pudding said...

Yeah done that oh furry one! Easy peasy.

Nonny said...

LOL, that is great. I think the second to the last "highlight" probably says "incredibly furry and cute!". I've a sneaking suspicion you blacked that one out yourself :)

My birthdays in August too, we rock!

HitManJ said...

Swashbuckler, eh? I had a dream I was an American (modern times) on the Black Pearl last night...was weird, trying to not insult the great Captain Jack Sparrow, while also hitting on the ladies...

I wish I hadn't woken up this morning!

Brad the Gorilla said...

Blacked out the descriptor myself, Nonny? Really, my dear, what preposterous notions you have.

Hitman J, I suspect that when you woke up this morning, you got yourself a gun.

Fridaysweb said...

Ahh, but I used to have an affinity for black highlighters. When I had to type letters from the chickenscratch that our tenants would bring to me (I was a secretary who was kinda "hired out" to the many tenants of the office complex I helped manage). I'd always highlight their misspellings and grammatical errors, before typing the grand finale. They appreciated. I'm sure. They always had a serious look on their faces, so it must have been a professional thing. Now, I enjoy the red highlighters best. They smell so good. Black ones smell good, but red smells better. And it's just so damn pretty.

Boy howdy do I sometimes wish I was single. Brad, I'd rub your fur until you purred like a kitten (what DO gorillas do when they're in that heavenly state?); Hitman, I'd play with your gun; York, I'd definately cross the pond just to play with your hair and pinch your cheeks. Nonny and Lady H...well, I'm told that only a gal knows how to truly pleasure a gal. I suppose we could discuss it at length. Rawbean, Honey, I've not had the pleasure to get to know you too well, yet. What would you like?

Brad the Gorilla said...

Friday,
No sexy talk! Ptooey, bleck, yuck, yuck, yuck. This is why I will never be a silverback gorilla-- I don't want anything to do with mating. I don't mind a bit of grooming from time to time (be sure you get all the bugs out of my fur when you do it, please), and I have been known to wiggle my toes while holding a cigar (with my toes, yes), but anything remotely resembling friskiness just makes me run for the rainforest. The fact that you get to give me a peck on the cheek from time to time is only because I LIKE you, not because I actually think smooching is nice. You be careful, Friday, or I'll throw a fit!