Saturday, January 21, 2006

Nonny's new clothes


Dear Nonny,

I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just come straight out and say it: It's my fault that your arms have mysteriously gone missing.

I had the best of intentions. I wanted you to be able to try on the new Bradley Enterprises line of clothing (click on the tee-shirt icon on the left of this webpage). As pricey as these garments are, I wanted you to see how smashing you look in your new ensemble. After all, who can really put a price on beauty?

Somewhere, in all of the bustle of the preparations, I lost your arms.

I've made you a temporary replacement pair. I know they're not quite what you're used to, but look at it this way: each hand has five digits. That wasn't easy! Charlotte said you'd do fine with only four digits on each hand, but I said, "No, Charlotte, Nonny needs her thumbs." I was quite emphatic on that point.

Maybe with a flower in your hand and a crown upon your head, you won't notice the difference at all. Oh, yes, and I accidentally got rid of all the books in your office. I hope that placing you on the beach will help make up for it.

I know this is not what you had in mind, but if I may be so bold, I rather like your new arms. You have no idea what levels of flexibility are now at your fingertips (no pun intended). When you do yoga (proudly! wearing your new Brad the Gorilla garb), you will be the admiration of everyone. I'm sure of it.

Of course, there is some part of me that is worried that you're going to come after me and throttle me with those new arms of yours. Would you really do that to your friend Brad? The arms look good on you, I say. Also, you never know when super-elastic strength will come in handy (oh, there I go again).

8 comments:

Nonny said...

ROFL!!!!

Brad, the only thing I'd use my super cool new arms for would be to hug you. I won't. I know how you feel about such things. That you wanted me as your model for Bradley enterprises is worth a couple arms in my opinion. Your avatar is now perfect btw :)

rawbean said...

HAHA - what the hell is going on? Well whatever it is, it's pretty funny.

Brad the Gorilla said...

Nonny: Since this is a special occasion, you may give me a hug. No kisses though! Kisses are wet and sloppy, and I don't like to get my fur wet.

Rawbean: I've got a new shop (check out the tee-shirt icon on the left of the page). What would you like named after you? A camisole? A one-strap shirt? Don't forget to try on the yoga pants. They come in 2 colors: black and white. How anyone could resist a pair of Brad the Gorilla yoga pants is beyond me.

Vroom, vroom, vroom. I can almost feel the helicopter controls at my fingertips. This is going to be the most successful business adventure yet of Bradley Enterprises.

Lady K said...

HA HA HA!!!! I can't stop laughing. Ya did good, kid.

Nonny said...

I absolutely HAVE to have that "Brad the Gorilla says Drink more Coffee" shirt. Pronto!

Lady K said...

Brad, one thing...don'tcha think the merchandise is a littleon the pricey side? I think if you slashed the prices, you'd sell more, thereby getting you the helicopter in less time...thoughts?

HitManJ said...

Brad, this is a great line of clothing!

I know someone in the biz and could get you some GREAT prices on making this stuff!

Brad the Gorilla said...

Are you kidding? These are great prices! I am thinking specifically of Calvin and Hobbes-- Calvin opened a lemonade stand and sold each glass of lemonade for a thousand dollars.

However, since you all have been such loyal, devoted fans (and have sent fan mail as proof), I have decided to slash the prices of the tee-shirts. For a limited time only, all tee-shirts are being sold at cost. That's right, at cost. No profit to Brad the Gorilla. However, I had to bump up the price of the Brad the Gorilla buttons to 300 dollars a pack just to compensate. O, the adventures of business!