My parents are going to pieces over Shad's latest honor. Just now, they emailed me to ask when I'm going to stop with the blogging silliness and get a proper job like Shad. "I do have a proper job," I told them. "I'm a class-act chef. I'm CEO of my own company. Sometimes, I play in a band."
They pointed out that no one exactly knows what Bradley Enterprises, Inc. actually does. I told them that it doesn't matter. My core clients believe in what I do and back me 67%. My parents should have been thrilled by that news. Instead, they asked me what I did to alienate the other 43%.
Are everyone's parents so product-oriented?
13 comments:
Congratulations on getting your picture put on a stamp! Way to trick Oceana Nations Postage into doing your bidding. (Was I not supposed to reveal that?)
Ulric, It was Shad who got the postage stamp! You sure do know how to rub salt in a gorilla's wounds, old buddy. I would cry, but I'm too gruff for such nonsense. Instead, I'm going to find something to throw out the window.
I know better than to upset a gorilla. I thought it was one of your complex, secret ploys. Anyway, Bradley Enterprises will buy out Oceania Nations Postage to teach 'em. I'm 100% behind you, as long as I get at least .0001% of the profits!... only if it's okay with you, Sir.
Please pass my hearty congratulations on to Shadrach. Wow! What a guy! Unfortunately it is true that in families there will be wheat and there will be chaff, jewels and slag, pearls and empty oyster shells. It's clear which of these most resemble the amazing Shad. Hard luck Brad!
Yeah, I'm all for a HOSTILE takeover of Oceania Nations Postage.
Ulric and Hitman J: I knew I could count on you to support the takeover of Oceania Nations Postage. How did you ever know that was my cunning plan all along?
Mr Pudding: Such is often the fate of the middle son. Perhaps my parents would have been more kindly disposed toward me had I not taken the hot-air balloon for a joy-ride during the Gorilla family reunion. Also, I really didn't know that Aunt Gertrude was under the flowered hat when I used the garden hose to water the garden.
I could throttle your folks sometimes. You've accomplished many great things. I know what Bradley Enterprises is about and I support you at least 89%, which is well above your average. Shad's a sellout in my opinion. Science for the sake of recognition is not real science. I'd like to review his findings.
I'm on board, Brad. You may tell your parents that your percentage is rising. Since I'm so incredibly important, I will bring you well above that measly 1% (moving you to 68%), but I shall, singlehandedly, bring your satisfaction level to a whoppintg 68 1/2 %. You're welcome.
And yes, all parents are like that.
Birdy, I'm so gonna kick your ass.
LOL!
Nonnnny, I got your number. I'm gonna make you whine. Nonnnny, I got your number: 867*bleep*309ieieieine
Lady K,
I would love to throw your cable guy out the window. Thanks! You really know how to cheer up a gorilla.
Nonny: Unfortunately, Shad is the Real Thing as far as research science goes. If I were going to be fair, I'd say that it's all my parents making Shad into the big shot. However,I am not going to be fair, and I shall blame Shad for everything.
Please go say hi to Lady K. All gorilla enthusiasts will be filled with awe and amaze at her hairy chest.
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