Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Gorilla Librarian



Nonny said I should really try to break into films. I’ve tried. Oh, how I’ve tried. After George Lucas kicked me off the set of Star Wars when I accidentally let his rhubarb pie burn, I was gorilla non grata in Hollywood.

I went overseas for work (I had a European Union work permit, thanks to my Welsh grandmother), and auditioned for a skit in Monty Python’s Flying Circus. I was going to be a gorilla librarian! At the last minute, there were some snags* in the filming of the scene, and one of the regular actors decided to dress up in a gorilla suit. I hate it when that happens. Humans dressing up in gorilla suits is disturbing. Humans are not knuckle-walkers, and don’t cut the same fine figure as the mighty gorilla gorilla gorilla (i.e. Western Lowland Gorilla, not to be confused with gorilla gorilla diehli, the Cross River Gorilla).

The problem with getting a film career is that the industry refuses to let gorillas into the Actor’s Equity Association. Some people might say that it’s my fault** but I suspect that the industry is biased in favor of humans.

I might do better in the gaming industry. There’s a slight but solid demand for gorillas in multi-player sorceries, including that of the Gorilla Librarian. Aha! Expect a come-back in the works.


*Graham Chapman got royally peeved with me for eating all of his banana crunchies, and Eric Idle had the audacity to insinuate that I wasn’t very funny. I also believed John Cleese would be amused, not furious, when he sat down on a mince pie in his dressing room.

**Everyone in the AEA says it’s my fault.

15 comments:

Ulric said...

You can't take Eric Idle's opinion of "funny" to heart. He's the least funny Python. He had the idea for a wine-tasting skit where all the wine was actually "wee-wee". That doesn't even come close to your "chocolate pie" antic.

Brad the Gorilla said...

You're right-- Eric Idle is the least funny Python. He has no sense of the "subtle absurd." (Come to think of it, neither do I...)

Yeah, him. said...

How can George Lucas have room for Jar Jar and not for you?

Nonny said...

A thousand pardons Brad.

Nonny said...

I had a horrible day yesterday.

Nonny said...

That's really know excuse.

Nonny said...

I shall be more vigilante in the future.

Nonny said...

As for Monty Python and George Lucas, after hearing this story, I've lost quite a bit of respect for them.

And yes, John Cleese sitting on a mince pie would have been hilarious.

Fridaysweb said...

Oh Bradley. I'm so sorry about that part. I'm currently writing something new that I'm just positive will turn into a screenplay. I mean, really! It's a slasher thing. Hollywood hasn't done nearly enough slasher movies. The main character - a young woman with unfortunately long arms - will need a love interest. He'll have to be gruff and hairy...I'll be sure to mention your name to Mr. Craven when we finalize the deal.

Lady K said...

What happened to your blog? It's so DIFFERENT!

Nonny said...

Double digit comments-Woo hoo!!!!

Brad the Gorilla said...

Yeah! I'm back! And furrier than ever!

Brad the Gorilla said...

Lady K: I decided the blog needed an overhaul. It was a headache, believe me. Pass the whisky, already.

limpy99 said...

Banana-flavored whiskey?

Ugh, I'm hungover just writing that.

Brad the Gorilla said...

Limpy99: Perish the thought! I drink Scapa whisky. I have been known to imbibe a banana daiquiri or 10 from time to time, too.