Saturday, October 15, 2005

Blind Date

First off, my blind date was surprised to find out that I actually was a gorilla, not a human being. She said, “I thought ‘Brad the Gorilla’ was a moniker to describe your Herculean strength, not your actual species.”

I jest. What she actually said was, “Oh, you’re a gorilla!”

To which I could only reply, “Oh, you’re a human being!”

After that, Zirconia (my blind date’s goth name) and I decided to make the best of an awkward situation. There was really only one thing to do: go to Café Flora, the premiere vegetarian restaurant in town. For an appetizer, we had lentil-pecan pâté, gherkins, apple, marinated olives and red onion confit with croccantini crackers. Zirconia had the Artichoke Croquettes with citrus cream and sweet chili lime sauces, petite lentils and a fresh vegetable slaw in orange ginger vinaigrette. I had the Portobella Wellington made with portobella mushrooms, leeks and mushroom-pecan pâté in puff pastry with Madeira wine sauce, seasonal vegetables and mashed potatoes . For dessert, we had orange clove crème brulee, and chocolate coconut cake with chocolate espresso sauce. We splurged on a dessert wine and had Chateau Manos Cadillac.

Afterward, Zirconia took me to the members-only goth-club, The Mercury . It was there we discovered that our musical tastes were highly incompatible. I thought the goth music was okay, not great, but as soon as I found out she didn’t think Elvis contributed to rock and roll music simply because he didn’t write his own songs, things got a bit uncomfortable. Zirconia also thought that Howlin’ Wolf sang "Born to Be Wild." Then, when she mentioned the band Sisters of Mercy, I thought she was talking about Leonard Cohen.

At the end of the evening, Zirconia said she had a nice time, but that she was really interested in dating human beings. I wasn’t put out at all—as I’ve said time and again, I am not interested in romance with anybody. Besides, Zirconia picked up the check for everything. For once, I have nothing about which to complain.

And here you thought I was going to throw a fit!

When I got home, I took the Goth Name Generator Quiz, just out of curiosity:


Girl Name: Queen Nocturna Starfruit
Guy Name: Lord Biff the Frightfully Furry

*You will tickle an
annoying person in the near future*

You tend to hide behind your squeaky clean (albeit furry!) image. You hope that no one will reveal the secrets of your past but you have no idea that everyone is only thinking about Halloween cupcakes anyway, and wondering or not they will get enough cream-cheese frosting with black and orange sprinkles. (It's a good bet that they probably won't.)

What Is Your Goth Name?
brought to you by Quizilla


Nonny said...

I'm unclear how you ended up with a goth chick from the answers you provided for your personal ad. I mean your a little furry ray of sunshine!

How come every quiz I take on your site comes out frighteningly accurate?

Goth Name: Girl-Lady Lilth
Guy- Darth Diablo

*One day you will rule the world*

You are quick to point out someone's mistakes. You hold grudges longer than most people but forgive people who deserve death.

Brad the Gorilla said...

The world of the personals ad is a cagey place indeed. Maybe I should just get to work on helping Ulric find someone suitably smoochy. Ulric is a good looking guy, and has no problem getting dates. Compatibility is always the issue, though, and Seattle can be a cordially cold place. Most of the humans I know around here had to import their chosen partners from across the country.