Thursday, September 07, 2006

Rude Words

It occurs to me that I've not been rude enough in my posts. You may know me as the gruffest, surliest gorilla around, but frankly, I think I've gotten a bit soft around the edges. So, to make up for it all, I'm going to be quite snarly today.

First, here is my list of rude words and phrases:



Sit on a banana!

Go change a diaper!

Faciem durum cacantis habes! (Translation: You have the face of a man with severe constipation.)

Second, here is a list of angry thoughts:

1) People are stupid. They shit where they eat, dump garbage on the ground, and then complain about the "riff-raff" spoiling their cities.
2) People are stupid. They pollute the very seas where they want to sail their fancy boats.
3) People are stupid. They say, "Children are our future" and then sabotage the educational system with "Every Child Left Behind" policies and pat themselves on the backs for making sure children don't have adequate health coverage.
4) People are stupid. They'd rather have cheap hamburgers today than rainforests tomorrow.

Third, here is my new outlook on life:

I'm MAD! Raving, stark raving mad. Nothing, absolutely nothing will assuage my wrath. Well, almost absolutely nothing. I wouldn't want you to give up that easily. Try the usual things first (bananas, chocolate, whisky), and if those things don't work, get a little creative. I don't promise to calm down, but I will entertain a few attempts to appease my foul, wretched temper.



Nonny said...

Jeez buddy, you better calm down. You're probably foaming at the mouth. You know what they do to rabid animals right?

I like the new philosophy though. I might adopt it as well. Sometimes your anger is all you have to hold on to.

Brad the Gorilla said...

It's about time I got a comment! More comments, more, more, more. Note that I didn't say "please." "Please" is for goody-goodies, and you know I'm no goody-goody.

Alkelda the Gleeful said...

Well, there is a full moon going on right now. I wonder if that has any effect on your moods. Maybe you're a wer-gorilla?

Ulric said...

Brad, don't push your luck or throw a fit. Grow some comet and pyorrhea at the steeple. And rhyme.

Tony said...

Hey Brad, my dad always said that the best thing for a bad mood is a little hard work, and I've got a flowerbed that needs to be dug up in the back yard!

Yorkshire Pudding said...

Go change a diaper (nappy) you potty faced dung beetle! If you don't like the life you're leading then why not get back to Burundi and chomp leaves in The Mist.