Thursday, September 07, 2006
It occurs to me that I've not been rude enough in my posts. You may know me as the gruffest, surliest gorilla around, but frankly, I think I've gotten a bit soft around the edges. So, to make up for it all, I'm going to be quite snarly today.
First, here is my list of rude words and phrases:
Sit on a banana!
Go change a diaper!
Faciem durum cacantis habes! (Translation: You have the face of a man with severe constipation.)
Second, here is a list of angry thoughts:
1) People are stupid. They shit where they eat, dump garbage on the ground, and then complain about the "riff-raff" spoiling their cities.
2) People are stupid. They pollute the very seas where they want to sail their fancy boats.
3) People are stupid. They say, "Children are our future" and then sabotage the educational system with "Every Child Left Behind" policies and pat themselves on the backs for making sure children don't have adequate health coverage.
4) People are stupid. They'd rather have cheap hamburgers today than rainforests tomorrow.
Third, here is my new outlook on life:
I'm MAD! Raving, stark raving mad. Nothing, absolutely nothing will assuage my wrath. Well, almost absolutely nothing. I wouldn't want you to give up that easily. Try the usual things first (bananas, chocolate, whisky), and if those things don't work, get a little creative. I don't promise to calm down, but I will entertain a few attempts to appease my foul, wretched temper.