Wednesday, June 07, 2006


Gentle Gruff Readers,

I didn't make it up to the top of the Empire State Building. I had everything planned out: my climbing gear, my snacks, my parachute, everything! All I was going to do was a quiet little assent up what was once the tallest building in the world. Alas, I did not even get past the first window before the cops and firefighters came. I resisted their attempts to get me down, but it was no use. I had grappling hooks, but they had fire-hoses.

The police took me into custody, and they didn't even read me my rights, because as they said, "Miranda Rights are only for humans." Hah! So, I was down at the police station with all of my gear confiscated (my snacks, oh, my poor snacks, you are now mouldering in the bellies of the NYPD), and they were just about to book me when who should storm in but my Landlady with her lawyer friends in tow! She told me she was furious with me for having stowed away and kept hidden all this time, but I secretly think she was mad that she hadn't noticed my presence in New York prior to this ignominious debacle.

The Landlady's lawyer friends argued on my behalf, but no one was listening. Then, miracle of miracles, someone produced a Get Out of Jail Free card, and I was free!

Right now, I am sipping coffee and eating a pear-granola muffin, trying to get over the shaky experience of dealing with the NYPD. I cannot believe that I did not succeed in my lifelong dream of climbing the Empire State Building. But you know what? I shall not be deterred. Next time, I will be smarter. I will let Hitman J know of my plans, and he shall make some deals that people cannot refuse.

Now that the House of Glee knows I'm in town, I thought we should put our differences behind us and visit the Planetarium. For some reason, no one wants to buy my ticket.


Ulric said...

You have a lot of explaining to do. I read the New York Times. Of course "Gorilla attempts to climb Empire State Building and gets caught" is akin to "U.F.O. spotted in Nowheresville, Nebraska". No bananas for you!

HitManJ said...

It is good you didn't make it to the top....unbeknownst to many NY'ers, the top of the ESB is NOT strucurally sound for Gorilla use. I may be saying too much, but at the time the ESB was being built, certain building materials were a bit, um, hard to come by, and contractors unwilling to pay extra "taxes" made some un-wise substitutions....

HitManJ said...

Word Verifier: The Gathering

Back for more.

Only in the Hideout.

Nonny said...

It was inevitable buddy. A gorilla your size is hard to hide. Hope the House of Glee isn't being to hard on you.