Friday, April 14, 2006

Chili-Pepper Apron

Before I go any further, let me clear up a couple of rumors:

1) Ulric is not the author of this blog. Frankly, I resent the implications. I can write my own blog. I do all the typing myself, and sometimes even type with my feet when my finger-pads get sore. If you really must know, my Landlady gives me some suggestions about ideas for my blog from time to time and even lends me her laptop on occasion. I usually taunt her with raspberries (but sometimes I throw over-ripe loquats). Ulric does have an astute memory, though, and it is he who reminds me of my many exploits in film, art, cookery and music.

2)I am a 451 (sometimes 453) lb gorilla. Why my Landlord thinks he can pick me up is beyond me. I am over twice his size, for pete’s sake.

There. I'm glad that everything's cleared up. I feel better. Don't you? Onto business...

Some of you may remember the fiasco involving the loss of my chili-pepper apron. When I threw it on the floor of the Green Dragon Inn, the proprietor picked it up and took it for his very own. I raged, threatened, bribed and cajoled, but with no success. I had the last laugh, though. I called the Health Department to inspect the establishment.

Ho ho.

Tonight, my Landlady made me a new chili-pepper apron. It is even better-looking than the old one, though I have to say that her embroidery is a bit wobbly. Oh well, it's better than my embroidery would be. I have trouble holding the needle, as it's usually so small and gets stuck in my finger-pads.


Lady K said...

Brad, you are cuter, uh, I mean, GRUFFER looking than EVER in that new apron!

Ah, who am I are just plain CUTE, period.

Want a banana? Maybe frozen chocolate covered bananas? A hug? Can I just shmush your cheeks? Can *I* have a hug? Wanna cook something?

Yorkshire Pudding said...

Lovely apron but are you sure those are chilli pepper motifs? The thin red things look very much like the item that emerges from our cat's scrotum zone whenever he licks down there!

You say you are twice your landlord's size! Have you always been this boastful or is his like a chilli pepper?

At Jersey zoo recently, I spent half an hour watching the gorillas. The silverback delicately consumed an over-ripe mango and then carefully licked his fingers. He saw me looking and then bashed the security glass. Thank the Lord it was there! A very young gorilla looked wistfully out of the window on to the outdoor gorilla islands where zoo workers were tying up replacement rope rigging. None of them were wearing aprons.

Brad the Gorilla said...

Lady K, You're getting my fur all wet! Oof. Yes, I'll take a chocolate covered banana. Yum yum.

Mr Pudding, Are you aware that you are fascinated by penises?!

I'm surprised that none of the gorillas you saw were wearing aprons, but then, perhaps they haven't been to cooking school.

Ahhh, overripe mangoes. Right now, I'm craving a mango lassi.

fluffydoodle said...

and your apron fits you so nicely!

Nonny said...

Oh the travesty of someone thinking Ulric wrote this blog.

So many good Brad memories, I would be able to tell in an instant if someone other than you were writing here.

Is there anything your Landlady can't do? You look so handsome. How many yards of fabric did that take?

Brad the Gorilla said...

Nonny: That's right! The mere thought of someone else writing my blog is a travesty. The apron didn't take that many yards of fabric, by the way. I am on the slender side, as gorillas go, and my apron needed only 8 yards instead of the usual 10. My Landlady claims that she only used 1/4 of a yard, but she's overly modest (or overly boastful) in that regard.

Ulric said...

You look very smart in your new apron. I will never doubt your cullinary abliities again.

Brad the Gorilla said...

Ulric, You had better now. Anyone who mixes peanut butter in chicken-noodle-soup (i.e. you) had better be appreciative of the cooking of a genius chef (i.e. me).