My Aunt Alcidis paid me an unexpected visit from Moonstone, Nebraska. Aunt Alcidis is rather flighty and full of fanciful notions. She's always preparing raw foods, testing people's auras, reading their astrological charts, and making them take personality tests. Well, I say that we should all forget the Jung Typology (i.e. Myers-Briggs) Test, I say, and all its flaky ilk like the Enneagram and the Eat Right For Your Type methods. I've developed a personality test far superior to anything else in terms of the scientific approach, the socio-economic implications, not to mention a deep understanding of demographics of ambiguous produce. Presenting
THE LYERS-PRIGS TEST
Simply number your answer sheet from 1-40, answer either "YES" or "NO" to each question, and email me your answers. I will analyze your answers and post your personality type right here on this blog.
1. As a rule, current preoccupations with potato chips worry
you more than your future plans for dark leafy greens.
2. You find it difficult to talk about your feelings unless you’re yelling.
3. You feel at ease in a crowd looking up at you climbing a building.
4. You do your best to complete a task with finger-paints instead of magic markers.
5. You are curiously touched by the stories about people's troubles with hydrogenated fats.
6. You are more interested in a general pudding than in the details of its preparation.
7. Strict observance of the established rules is likely to be no fun at all.
8. Often you prefer to read a book than go to a food-fight.
9. You tend to rely on your experience rather than on theoretical alternatives to hair removal.
10. It's difficult to get you excited about bananas foster.
11. You rapidly get involved in social activities at a new workplace before you get fired.
12. It is in your nature to assume responsibility for all wicked behavior.
13. You frequently and easily express your feelings and emotions by yelling.
14. You often think about humankind and its inevitable destiny.
15. You believe the best bananas are the ones that can be easily changed into dessert.
16. You are a person somewhat reserved and distant in communication with extraterrestrials.
17. You prefer to act on impulse rather than speculate about various toilet paper options.
18. You trust gourmet chefs rather than politicians.
19. You spend your leisure time actively socializing
with a group of people, attending parties, hot-wiring cars, emailing your blog buddies.
20. You usually plan your sleeping-in mornings in advance.
21. Your actions are frequently influenced by
22. You often contemplate the complexity of life outside of the jungle.
23. You often do jobs that involve curry.
24. You find it difficult to speak loudly.
25. You get bored if you have to read driver’s manuals.
26. You value fake accents higher than fluency in a foreign language.
27. The more people at whom you yell, the better you feel.
28. You like to keep a check on how the dinner is progressing .
29. You easily scoff at the concerns of other people.
30. You are more inclined to experiment with chemicals than to follow familiar approaches to cleaning the bathroom.
31. You are usually the first to react to a sudden event: the telephone ringing, an unexpected question, a pineapple crashing through the window.
32. The process of searching for dessert is more important to you than dessert itself.
33. You usually place yourself nearer to the side than in the center of the hockey rink.
34. When solving a problem you would rather follow a familiar approach than seek a new one that might produce fewer blue jellybeans.
35. You try to stand firmly by your principles, but if you can’t, you at least get a free meal out of the deal.
36. It is easy for you to communicate in social situations while wearing cooking mits.
37. You are consistent in your grooming habits.
38. You willingly involve yourself in matters which engage your dinner plans.
39. You easily perceive various ways in which events could develop badly.
40. A thirst for adventure is close to your stomach.