Saturday, May 06, 2006

Brad-fluences

Rawbean said that as a character, I reminded her of Stewie, the baby on "Family Guy." She said that we are both “highly intelligent but also misunderstood and in need of a helicopter.” I know neither of Stewy nor of "Family Guy," but I thought perhaps it was time to be introspective and intellectual about the people who have influenced me.

Hem hem. (At this point, I rustle some papers and tug at my spectacles before I commence with the list.)

1) Cookie Monster: Is this not obvious? We have similar voracious appetites and have scads of wits to overcome those cruel, despicable beings who would keep us from the land of Milk and Honey Cookies.

2) Nigel Molesworth: the Curse of St. Custards, the Goriller of 3B.The vile schoolmasters and wet, weedy goody-goodies of St. Custard’s are no match for Nigel’s brutal intelligence and impeccable logic.

3) Ulric: It’s hard to say who’s been more of an influence on whom. When Ulric was a little boy, we often told potty jokes and said rude words. Now that I’m older, I still say rude words, but it’s Ulric who thinks the potty jokes are funny. Many people think that Ulric writes this blog, but it’s simply not true. If Ulric wrote this blog, here is what an entry might look like:

“I got up very late this morning and went to the coffee-shop, where I broke wind so violently that everyone scattered, and I was able to drink all of the coffee. Poor Bill Gates didn’t get his double-soy latte with carob sprinkles. Then, I decided that the coffee-beans were simply too good to grind up, so I jumped into the bag of Sumatra coffee-beans and wriggled my bare, stinky, sweaty toes. Then I pooped and thought about all of the words that rhymed with ‘duck.’”

Don’t try to deny it, Ulric! You are guilty as charged, guilty, guilty, guilty. Be that as it may, you did help me to get my cooking business underway, and I did help you with your Latin homework, even though you only took Latin so that you could hear the teacher talk about Crassus (see above photo) and "liquid vowels."

4) Curious George: Something you may not know is that Curious George is not a monkey. He is a chimpanzee. If he were a monkey, he’d have a tail. However, he doesn't walk on his knuckles, so who knows what he really is. The key difference between us (besides our species) is that Curious George doesn’t mean to get into trouble, whereas I am fully aware of my wretched ways. Also, no one would ever leave me alone in the house with an exhortation to "stay out of mischief and try not to be so curious." When it comes to brains, Ulric is head and shoulders above the Man With the Yellow Hat.

5) Cute Little Box: I still get upset when I think of CLB’s untimely demise. CLB was my first fan who hadn’t already met me in person, and the one who introduced me to ¾ of the people on my blogroll. He was a drinkin’, smokin’ womanizer who lived large despite his diminutive moniker. On the left side of my blog, right below the links to past posts, I have a memorial to CLB.

Monday, May 8, 2006 Update: CLB is alive and well! I just got this note in the comments section:

Cute Little Box said...
Oh Brad, those were indeed heady times. I remember when I first stumbled upon your site. I thought to myself "Finally a fellow blogger with the same wants and aspirations." Though gone from the blogosphere, I am still partying hard and fast. Your influence and bon mots of wisdom have gotten me out of many a sticky situation. Rock on dude!


I’m sure there are more people out there who have had some impact on my personality, but those are the main five. I could have mentioned King Kong, but really, he’s too much of a tragic figure, unless you go with the belief that he really didn’t die at the base of the Empire State Building, but rallied and went on to battle Godzilla (and win! O yes, and win.)

7 comments:

Cute Little Box said...

Oh Brad, those were indeed heady times. I remember when I first stumbled upon your site. I thought to myself "Finally a fellow blogger with the same wants and aspirations." Though gone from the blogosphere, I am still partying hard and fast. Your influence and bon mots of wisdom have gotten me out of many a sticky situation. Rock on dude!

Brad the Gorilla said...

Oh, CLB, this is good news! I should have had faith that your disappearance was a vanishing act. Someday, I'm going to name a brand of whisky after you.

rawbean said...

Brad...here he is: STEWIE

Ulric said...

I don't know what you're talking about on the potty front. You throw poop at people whenever a board game isn't going your way.
BTW, I may be smarter than the Man in the Yellow Hat, but alas, I'm not as rich. We'll just have to quadruple the efforts of Bradley Enterprises. P.S. I also got a kick out of my teacher translating a passage of Ovid's Daedalus & Icarus dealing with Daedalus crying as "And the old man's cheeks were moist."

Fridaysweb said...

Brad, you are an influence in my daily blog-life. I always think of you when I'm about to tell an off-color joke and remember that it's not nice to insult gorillas or other primates. Thank you for helping me abandoning my specist ways.

Yorkshire Pudding said...

HO! HO! In your profile it says that your industry is CONSULTING! Shouldn't that read INsulting? How dare you claim to keep refreshing my blog "just to see the numbers go up"? This is very much against blog etiquette you rotten bounder sir! For this reason I have cancelled shipment of the crate of Henderson's Relish which was at Liverpool docks ready to begin the sea journey to the wild western fringe of British civilisation where you eke out your meagre existence deranged as you appear to be with psychotic fantasies about being a great ape. You desperately need to see a psychotherapist!

Brad the Gorilla said...

Mr Pudding, I went to a psychotherapist, as you recommended, and the pyschotherapist said that you should still send the crate of Henderson's Relish. Yup.

Friday: Tell that to Mr Pudding! He's always insulting gorillas and other primates.

Ulric: And your point is...?! What I'm actually throwing is chocolate bars.