Advice to my Readers

My inbox is bare. No one this week sent in a request for my advice. If you, dear readers, are too encumbered with the burdens of your daily lives to write to the wisest gorilla you know, I will take it upon myself to write the letters for you. Lady K and Smoochypants have already written in. Here are some new letters:

1) Dear Brad,
What do I have to do for you to forgive my past impudence toward your great personage? How do I adequately humble myself before the greatness that is Brad the Gorilla? Why, oh why, did I not realise sooner that you are the ruler of the blogosphere and I am a mere peon? Should I send you a case of Henderson's Relish?
--Yorkshire Pudding

Dear Mr Pudding,
The case of Henderson's Relish is a good start. Don't beat yourself up too badly with harsh words. A few tongue-lashings will do. I will consider your humble utterances of remorse and get back to you on the matter.
Your friend,
Brad

2) Dear Brad,
I'm addicted to video games and television shows! I can't seem to stop playing games and watching tv. What should I do to combat my addiction? Take up macrame? Learn to play the ukelele? Help! I am lost without you.
--Nonny

Dear Nonny,
I'm sure your devotion to video games is a healthy one. Don't worry about it. However, if you need help regarding your gluttony of television shows, I will be happy to throw your television out the window. I love doing that! You have no idea how many hotels have banned me for life as a result.
Your friend,
Brad

3)Dear Brad,
I have a shameful secret: I still play with paperdolls. I'm worried my kids will find out. Help!
Friday
P.S. Don't print my name.

Dear Friday,
Your secret is safe with me. I wouldn't sweat it with the paperdolls. If your kids show up while you're playing with them, you can always say that you're working on current fashion designs.
Your friend,
Brad